Here at the Sizemore home, we’re getting ready to celebrate Christmas. To those of you who celebrate differing holidays, like, say, Festivus (a holiday for the rest of us), I wish you lovely celebrations, decadent food, and happiness in the upcoming year. It’s been a hard year, 2017. I lost my grandmother, I got a 3 book contract. I’ve watched my kids succeed and struggle. I got an Alienware computer (OMGYAY) and a new Nintendo 3DSXL. Not that I’m all about the things… I’m just looking for the stuff I can appreciate. It’s my way of coping. Don’t even get me started on the state ofRead More →

Remember the year I forgot to get my husband a chocolate bunny and he was devastated? Which was like three years ago, so go me for remembering. Sort of. As Meatloaf said, “Two outta three ain’t bad.” So, anyway, I really stepped up my Easter game this year. Got to make a basket for my granddaughter (which I filled with books because Nana Lori is going to make a reader out of that girl). And my daughters got things they were dying for but had no idea they were getting. It was great. Part of the reason I indulged so much is because my husband helpedRead More →

I’ve been doing some revising and apparently, my mom grew impatient with how long I was not doing whatever it was she wanted me to do. Mom: Should it take that long to revise a chapter? Me: Yes. How many chapters have you revised? (I got a little salty, which is one of those phrases I heard my teen say and I’m probably using incorrectly.) Mom: None… But I’m pretty sure it doesn’t take that long. Respect the process, lady! Oh, and Happy Mother’s Day!Read More →

So, I’m one of those people who have conversations with other people as I’m waking up. Sometimes they can be quite ridiculous and result in said people (aka my family) laughing at my expense. You might as well join them. A few days ago, my husband was trying to wake me up. Me: Stop being mad at me! Husband: Baby, I’m not mad. I’m just trying to get you up. Me: You put it on Twitter! At this point, my husband and oldest daughter start laughing hysterically. I get defensive. Me: It’s in the timeline! My husband doesn’t even use twitter and I can’t imagineRead More →

Actual thing I just had to say: Don’t do wild jazz hands while your sister is trying to do math. Math and jazz hands do NOT go together.Read More →

Today, I’m sharing with you a conversation between my husband and me, as we stood arm-in-arm and watched my stepdaughter dance with her new husband after the wedding. She’s a nurse as well as just an independent, kind person. Him: I can’t believe we didn’t screw her up. Me: I know, right? We did good. Here’s hoping we’ll manage with the other two!Read More →

1. It’s totes acceptable for a forty-year-old woman to say adorbs, fab, and obvs. (That’s obviously, for those not in the know.) It’s totes acceptable to say those things at home, where your kids just roll their eyes. Because if you say those things outside, people look at you like you just grew another head. 2. I’ve had the sex, period, pregnancy, and STD talks so many times and answered so many awkward questions, I can now discuss anything. ANYTHING. Seriously, I’m considering renting myself out to other moms. 3. Nothing on this Earth or in hell compares to taking a teenage girl shopping. I’d explainRead More →

My youngest kid has an active imagination. And she’s more often than not got a quippy comeback for everything. Every. Thing. So, allow me to introduce her lizard/dolphin family (The dolphins are the adoptive parents of Susan and Brenda). What’s amusing to me is that this isn’t a one time thing. They have been Susan, Michael, and Brenda and they have been fruitful and multiplied (except Brenda). Without further ado, overheard in my house… Me: I found that lizard, the purple one, in the mess we call ‘your closet.’ P: Susan! That’s great, because these [lizards she bought today] are her babies. Now I justRead More →

 Mom, we’re doing this thing in school where we have to correct these essays with spelling and grammar errors. Ms. [Red-Hands*] handed me mine and I thought, ‘Oh, my gosh– I’ve got to fix this now!’. I blame you.” Me: I love you. so. much. *It’s an inside joke** AND a way for me to not invade Ms. Red-Hand’s privacy. I’d explain it, but, really, I’m lucky if I’m amusing the first time I make a joke. Any explanation, and we’re all just wasting our time. **Ms. Red-Hands, if you’re reading this, I’m so, so sorry for the name thing. Read More →

Guess who had to buy a hot water heater and spent 24 hours without hot water which, I know, is so first-world-whiny, but it was awful. Anyway, this happened. Me: That tank isn’t going to get by that pipe. Husband: Yes, it will. Three hours later… Husband: I had to take out that pipe. The very. next. day… Husband: I think the dresser will fit there without any problem. Me: There’s no way. The bathroom door wouldn’t open. Husband: It would mostly open. (Whatever that means.) Me: I don’t think so. Remember the pipe? I don’t think you’re very good at this. A tape measure later…Read More →