by Lori Sizemore

As mentioned on many occasions, I have become a full on convert to the digital reading experience. However, I still enjoy the occasional magazine (I got suckered into a year’s subscription when my kid was fundraising so she could have a fifty cent toy).

So, I’m scanning through the magazine, and I see this ad.

And so many thoughts occur to me. I will share.

• She has Oscar Mayer food, including Jello, in her purse. Sometimes, I throw my lunch in my purse for the ten minute drive to the office. I get how this could happen. But… there’s no context here. Just… Jewel likes Oscar Mayer so much, she carries it in her purse.
• There’s makeup and guitar picks (which I totally get–I’m a writer. Good luck catching me without a pen and something to write on.). But… seashells? Seashells. Really?

• There’s a picture of her and her husband in there. Aw. And peaking out of the very top is a tube of Butt Paste. No, you guys. It’s for babies. But, there’s absolutely nothing else in her entire purse to indicate she has children. So I look some more. Hair stuff, mix CDs, a pen, makeup. No, no kid stuff.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m so not above carrying Butt Paste in my purse. But it’s not top of the list. I’d probably have some toys in there, a snack (for my kids, not this Oscar Mayer fancy Triscuit and Jello mousse crap), some wipes. What mother doesn’t carry wipes? I just… don’t buy it. Either she has a diaper bag and the Butt Paste was thrown in there for effect or she is the most ill prepared parent in the history of ever. What the hell, Jewel?

In closing, I can only say this: Don’t show me what’s in your purse–I will judge you.

Tagged as: because we all need a way to waste an hour, inappropriately amusing, ventastic

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