I’ve been listening to audiobooks because my daughter was going to an out-of-district school. It was 20 minutes from my house, then 30 minutes back past my house to work. 50 minutes a day and I thought… I could be reading. Sort of. In a way that doesn’t take my eyes off the road.
My first foray into romance in audiobooks: The Bastard by Lisa Renee Jones. Spoiler Alert: It ends on a cliffhanger. I figured out pretty early what the big bad secret revolved around, and I waited and waited for it to be revealed. For the non-romantic plot to move along.
And I waited some more. Here’s what actually happened: the secret is revealed directly prior to The End. And the plot… doesn’t. Moving on…
Dating Advice from Romance Novels: The Bastard
- If you feel lust for a man, and I mean once-in-a-lifetime lust, you act on it. Even if he treats you like shit, like a possession, or you’re just stroking his ego, or making a point–you take that. Lust is what really matters here.
- Don’t chase after what you want, in the beginning. But, after six years of no communication whatsoever, have sex with him like he’s got the only dick in the entire world. And by “have sex,” I mean fuck. Because this book says that word at least every three lines. So if you’re not comfortable with hearing that word repeatedly, this is not the book for you.
- If you have a capital-B-big secret that you know will cause a riff between this man you realize you love, and everyone else in the story knows but him, don’t just tell him like a responsible, intelligent adult. Keep it locked up. Wait for the right moment. Especially if no one wants you together. And they hate him. They’re not going to whip that secret out to hurt him. Or you. Or both of you.
- Don’t be interested in his money, but make sure you bring it up a lot to prove you’re not interested in his money.
- Men: if your asshole brother tells you this big-ass secret and he’s clearly trying to not only hurt you but drive a wedge, you make the worst assumption possible, ghost the woman you “love”, and leave her in a situation you have already deemed is physically dangerous to her. Don’t put up with that shit. I mean, yeah, she should’ve told you–fair point. But, um… why ask her about her motivations at the time? Or act like you didn’t just leave six years ago and not speak to her the entire time.
So, if you didn’t notice, this was not my favorite book. I’ve only ever done a DAfRN from a book I didn’t enjoy once before so it’s not something I do lightly. But… I think I’ve pretty much laid out what put me off.
The characters are compelling and the heat is a 7.8 out of 5. There’s that.