Lori Sizemore

I feel kind of dirty, but my hosts changed the terms.  I wrote them a rather rude report ticket, but they tell me they can change them at any time.  Even if the package you bought involves the word “lifetime” and five years is nowhere near a human lifetime.

Anyway, they’re there.  The Amazon links are there, but that’s mostly because they make it so easy to see the book.

I gave in to “the man.”

I got rid of the ads.  They were taking up space and, between you and me, I wasn’t comfortable with the companies promoting on my site.  So, I settled for a widget from Amazon highlighting books I’ve loved.  I’m happy, you’re happy.  I guess you’re happy.

This is not an amusing joke, like Zombie Harmony. This is real, serious research, people. What if zombies were real? What would we have to do to stop the spreading of this “infectious disease?”

Some nuggets of wisdom.  You know, just in case.

Professor Robert Smith? (the question mark is part of his surname and not a typographical mistake) and colleagues wrote: “We model a zombie attack using biological assumptions based on popular zombie movies.

Okay, well, as long as it’s based on biological assumptions garnered watching movies.

To give the living a fighting chance, the researchers chose “classic” slow-moving zombies as our opponents rather than the nimble, intelligent creatures portrayed in some recent films.

“While we are trying to be as broad as possible in modelling zombies – especially as there are many variables – we have decided not to consider these individuals,” the researchers said.

So, either we’re screwed if the zombies aren’t slow a la George Romero or these scientists are total bigots against fast-moving zombies.  Whatever, Mr. Smith?.  Not a typographical error.  It’s his real name.‘

In their scientific paper, the authors conclude that humanity’s only hope is to “hit them [the undead] hard and hit them often”.

They added: “It’s imperative that zombies are dealt with quickly or else… we are all in a great deal of trouble.”

You know, I sure am glad someone got this shit figured out before the actual zombie attack that will never happen.

According to the researchers, the key difference between the zombies and the spread of real infections is that “zombies can come back to life”.

Also: real infectious diseases are real whereas zombies are just some low paid actors dressed up in fake blood and gore.  Did you hear me, scientists?  Fake blood and gore.

What’s next?  The scientific answer of how to get Freddie Kreuger out of your dreams, for good?

The source and thank you to the lovely Jen, who found this gem.

I recently wrote a post about my friend, Lea, and the anniversary of her passing. The post was more for me than anyone else.

Crasty said:

I added your blog to bookmarks. And i’ll read your articles more often!

He commented again with:

Valuable thoughts and advices. I read your topic with great interest.

Really, Crasty?  Perhaps you should unbookmark me then, because I very rarely write about the death of close friends or even very personal topics.  Maybe you would enjoy Virtual Memorials a bit more.

A couple of weeks ago, in a very short post consisting of three links and the word awesome about 14 times, I linked to The Blogess.

Here’s what John had to say:

I liked it. So much useful material. I read with great interest.

Useful for what?  I mean, yeah, it’s useful for a laugh, and she honestly rocks, but great interest?  You need a hobby, John.  And not like  mine, cruising the internet, instead of writing, and finding blogging gold.  Get your own.

And finally, we have Bunker.  He responded to my approximately five sentence post (one of which about how I was too lazy to write a real post) with this:

I really like your blog and i respect your work. I’ll be a frequent visitor.

If you want to spam me, it’s fine.  It’s not like the comments are going to break my server at this point, since I average one about every six months.  But, honestly, don’t patronize me, man.  I know you don’t respect me OR care about my dead friend.  Lying liars.

I got my first no from an agent today.  It’s actually more frustrating than soul-crushing.  They didn’t say no to my writing or to my manuscript.  They said no to a one page description of my story.

I’m going to work some more on that one page description.  It’s only bad when everyone says no, lol.

Bitterness

Never be afraid to share your dreams with the world, because there’s nothing the world loves more than the taste of really sweet dreams.

If you go over to Despair, Inc.’s site, you’ll find dozens more of these hilarious demotivators. I want them all.

Want to hear something amusing?  It occurred to me that my mother might read this, or my aunt, both of whom I love dearly (who will call me on this)…and I nearly censored myself.  Ironic?  I think so.  So sorry Mom and Auntie T., but that’s just what censorship is.

Ooookay, and this post starts now. Today’s link is to 25 Banned Books That You Should Read Today.

The idea of banning books amazes me.  The only reason I can think of that libraries and schools would ban books is because parents are too lazy to parent their children.  We’re not talking going into the corner store and buying a dirty mag, here.  We’re talking Bridge to Terabithia, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, and Harry freaking Potter (which I personally push on my kids like crack–it’s a damn good story.  That’s right.  I said it.  I read children’s books.  I’m not a book snob sobiteme.).

Granted, American Psycho is on there as well.  And, honestly, I felt a little squeamish reading it when my daughter was in the same room.  But banned?  No.  What about The Color Purple?  Sure, there’s the beating and the molesting and teen pregnancy and lesbianism, but at it’s core is a beautiful story of hope, of a woman, several women, overcoming crippling adversity and finding themselves.  In the world we live in, maybe it’d be a good thing for a kid who is able to read at this level to understand there are worse things in the world than NOT getting an iPod Nano in orange.  You know who you are, Miss C.

So, to summarize.  Censorship is a dirty whore.  Sharing books with your children, discussing them, and guiding them with literature is… whatever the opposite of a dirty whore is.  A clean lady who only has sex for free?  Whatever.