Did you ever read a book or, even more appropriately, watch a movie and leave feeling cheated? Things weren’t resolved? No payoff? Not what you expected? Then, OMG, do I have a site for you. It’s called, believe it or not, How It Should Have Ended. Or HISHE, for short. (I’ve decided to pronounce it His He.)
So, go there. Blair Witch and Twilight were really good. I’m off to see how It’s a Wonderful Life should’ve ended.
Who am I to be without the spreading of holiday cheer. I even have a boobie ornament. Not really, but a pic of one.
I know. Seriously. Anyway, found this among a whole list of incredibly inappropriate Christmas gifts @ thefrisky.com.
It’s that time of the month again where we laugh at the fact that no agents or writers or, dream of dreams, readers are visiting my site. The only ones visiting are those crazy spambots and people making very strange search requests. Here we go!
Really? What in the whole world do you need to know about this? Well, hmm. Googling revealed that, according to the Urban Dictionary:
A middle aged man who plays computer games and has large man Breats. (Nix-Nix-Pix-Nix)
That’s actually worse being associated with than I originally thought. Thanks.
That’s right. This month is still all about the zombies. I’ve gotten some serious random hit mileage out of that insane zombie research. So… thanks, Mr. Smith?.
WE know what the GMC is. But what is this person looking for? Did Debra Dixon design a theme? Oh, wait. Google reveals all. They mean GMC the car company. Well, welcome to Ink Diva Diaries, car enthusiasts!
I know what writer’s block is. This just sounds like a writer who’s been hitting the prunes. No, wait. It’s an actual website. With like two pages, discussing why writer’s get blocked. Okay. Well, you’re better off here, unblocked writer. That blog looks abandoned.
Um, say huh? I’ll go ahead and answer this for you: yes. It’s a letter. With several paragraphs. And one first paragraph. That necessitates an open sentence.
Wait, don’t go. I’m sorry. If you give me more than that search string, I’ll totally try for a real answer!
Best of all, other than a couple of people checking out teh Kevin Spacey,
That’s not me, FYI.
I wrote a post ages ago about a quiz I took. I entitled that post “‘You are a saucy flirt!’ –Lake Placid.” I even attributed it to the source, like a good writer. Since then, every month, I get a hit or three based on a search for a “saucy flirt.” Seriously. Who are you, and why are you looking in a search engine for a saucy flirt? Wait. Don’t answer that.
I also always get visitors from people searching my name. I’m probably not the Lori Sizemore they’re looking for, but it’s the other Lori’s fault she didn’t have the foresight to buy the domain first. What is new, this past month, is a search for “lori zinke sizemore.” What is a zinke? And how is it related to me? (Oooh, did you know google has a Wonder Wheel to show you related searches! Nice one, Google.)
But this last search term is all new and made of win. Someone came to my site with the search “are zombies really real.” No. Lie. Apparently, I am now a zombie expert.
I had this whole post written and Firefox crashed. The hell, Firefox? This one is probably not as awesome as the first one.
Okay, this isn’t a well-researched, in-depth look at love or romance or…well, anything. I’m writing, give me a break. You don’t tell the muse, “Not now, honey. I’m busy writing this blog.” You can totally tell your husband that, but not your muse. That chick is vindictive and might not show up again for six months. *I know*.
So, for your enjoyment, a very extensive list of endearments for your sweetheart.
This is not an amusing joke, like Zombie Harmony. This is real, serious research, people. What if zombies were real? What would we have to do to stop the spreading of this “infectious disease?”
Some nuggets of wisdom. You know, just in case.
Professor Robert Smith? (the question mark is part of his surname and not a typographical mistake) and colleagues wrote: “We model a zombie attack using biological assumptions based on popular zombie movies.
Okay, well, as long as it’s based on biological assumptions garnered watching movies.
To give the living a fighting chance, the researchers chose “classic” slow-moving zombies as our opponents rather than the nimble, intelligent creatures portrayed in some recent films.
“While we are trying to be as broad as possible in modelling zombies – especially as there are many variables – we have decided not to consider these individuals,” the researchers said.
So, either we’re screwed if the zombies aren’t slow a la George Romero or these scientists are total bigots against fast-moving zombies. Whatever, Mr. Smith?. Not a typographical error. It’s his real name.‘
In their scientific paper, the authors conclude that humanity’s only hope is to “hit them [the undead] hard and hit them often”.
They added: “It’s imperative that zombies are dealt with quickly or else… we are all in a great deal of trouble.”
You know, I sure am glad someone got this shit figured out before the actual zombie attack that will never happen.
According to the researchers, the key difference between the zombies and the spread of real infections is that “zombies can come back to life”.
Also: real infectious diseases are real whereas zombies are just some low paid actors dressed up in fake blood and gore. Did you hear me, scientists? Fake blood and gore.
What’s next? The scientific answer of how to get Freddie Kreuger out of your dreams, for good?
The source and thank you to the lovely Jen, who found this gem.
I recently wrote a post about my friend, Lea, and the anniversary of her passing. The post was more for me than anyone else.
Crasty said:
I added your blog to bookmarks. And i’ll read your articles more often!
He commented again with:
Valuable thoughts and advices. I read your topic with great interest.
Really, Crasty? Perhaps you should unbookmark me then, because I very rarely write about the death of close friends or even very personal topics. Maybe you would enjoy Virtual Memorials a bit more.
A couple of weeks ago, in a very short post consisting of three links and the word awesome about 14 times, I linked to The Blogess.
Here’s what John had to say:
I liked it. So much useful material. I read with great interest.
Useful for what? I mean, yeah, it’s useful for a laugh, and she honestly rocks, but great interest? You need a hobby, John. And not like mine, cruising the internet, instead of writing, and finding blogging gold. Get your own.
And finally, we have Bunker. He responded to my approximately five sentence post (one of which about how I was too lazy to write a real post) with this:
I really like your blog and i respect your work. I’ll be a frequent visitor.
If you want to spam me, it’s fine. It’s not like the comments are going to break my server at this point, since I average one about every six months. But, honestly, don’t patronize me, man. I know you don’t respect me OR care about my dead friend. Lying liars.
I’d love to have this book. (Makes a note to add to Amazon wishlist). I’ve been reading the bitches for a couple of years now and I love them. They’re funny “like damn and whoa,” they have awesome commenters, they call their readers the bitchery, and they’ve got something to say. We shouldn’t be ashamed of loving our romances. Hold those Fabio covers up proudly and proclaim to the world, “Yes, I am a smart bitch and I freaking love trashy novels!”
Found: A video made by assorted pubbed romance authors endorsing the greatness of their book (above).
I think that I’ve outgrown pop quizzes. They were all about doing something fun and delving into different aspects of romance, but they were more flash than substance. Also, while completely random and silly, they were still personal, in that they were about me. And why do you care if I kiss like a woman or what movie my love life is like?
So, from now on, Saturdays will be the day that I discuss romance. Sometimes it’ll be something one could incorporate into their writing, or it might be inappropriately amusing, or it might be kind of touching, or… you know what? We’ll just see where it goes, mmkay?
Up first: How to Love on Wikihow. Seriously? People need directions? The Idiot’s Guide to Being in Love? On an unrelated note, I saw the book below, recently–don’t ask why, I had a very good reason, okay?–and it’s pretty freaking funny. Unintentionally. Which makes it funnier, still.
It’s called texts from last night. And, there’s some seriously wrong texts there. So, if you’re at work, or your kid is looking over your shoulder, or your grandma, or you think semen or queefs are gross, or you even need to look up the word, queef, don’t go there and be mad at me.
How is this related to romance or writing in any way? It’s not. It just makes me laugh. And it’s link licker Thursday!
