Wit & Pendulum | Link Licker Pick

The Wit & Pendulum is brilliant.  You can follow on twitter @pitandpendulum.  Read below for the most recent blog post.

Dear otterlings, my apologies for my absence. I feel like I'm always saying that, but this time I genuinely have a reason. The Sloth and I were on a well-deserved, much-longed-for vacation. We went to London first, to visit the Harry Potter tour at Warner Brothers studios (which by the way, is INCREDIBLE. I cannot praise it enough. And I bought a chocolate frog) then flew to Athens for a couple of days to see some sights. Next we travelled to Mytilene for the 'beach and sun and relaxation' part of our holiday, and finally flew back to London and spent a wonderful day in the Natural History Museum,with the giant ground sloth and the dinosaurs. We even went on a special behind the scenes tour to see the preserved specimens, including animals that Darwin brought back from his voyage on the Beagle. It was amazing.

Since my friend Cublet had a birthday just before I left for vacation, I had already given her a present, but when I saw a picture of a cat wearing an inflatable unicorn horn, I knew that I would have to get it. It turned out that you could also buy them in black (because this is apparently makes it an 'evil inflatable unicorn horn', which feels slightly racist and weird but I suppose unicorns might have a different take on the colour-palette of their species) and when given the option, this is the one she chose. It arrived in the post today, and I had the following conversation wit our mutual friend Wetsoks. Please bear in mind that Cublet is also the flatmate of Wetsoks, and is actually older than both of us (not that reality ever really has any part to play in my chats with Wetsoks, but I suppose it is pertinent information)

Me: I bought the Cublet a unicorn horn. An evil unicorn horn, to be precise.

Wetsoks: Jesus.

Me: She wanted it!

Wetsoks: (exasperated) Did she really?

Me: I feel kind of like a divorced dad when you use that tone with me.

Wetsoks: I wish you would discuss these things with me before you spoil her by getting her whatever she wants. Then I'm the bad guy for telling her she can't wear it to bed.

Me: She can't do any harm with it.

There was a brief pause.

Me: She can't do any MAJOR harm with it. Probably.

Wetsoks: Says the absent parent.

Me: I'm not sure an inflatable unicorn horn can cause real injury.

Wetsoks: Uh huh. I'm just saying it always ends badly, and I end up picking up the pieces. You whiz in for a fun weekend of Glee and drinking and whatever, and I end up being the bad parent.

Me: But you got full custody, she lives with you! I just want our time together to be special.

Wetsoks: And you can - but in a healthy, less show-tuney, inflatable-weapony way.

Me: Aww, man.
Author: Otternator
Posted: May 29, 2014, 12:07 pm

Don’t forget to check out the Wit and Pendulum site to explore the hilarious archives and see more.

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